Which is worst? Losing your best friend or the man you thought you wanted to spend the rest of your life with?
I have lost both and I think losing your best friend hurts more. Here is why.
I was in love with my best friend.
We meet in high school and as most know, it can be quite difficult for most teenagers; for us it was no different. We both went through period of wanting to commit suicide and if it wasn’t for each other I’m not sure either of us would be alive. We took turns nursing the other person to health and loving each other when we couldn’t love ourselves. I use to say he was my part time husband, boyfriend and lover as well as my best friend. In all honesty he was my everything.
Over the last 4 year it was at the point that if you couldn’t find one, just find the other and you will know where the other one is. Throughout high school that’s was how it was seen; we were inseparable. I remember when we just became friends and spent hours on the train playing truth or dare because we couldn’t fest up the courage to ask the other person point blank.
Things changed last summer when I started working and work took over my life. We allowed time to pass between us and we grew apart and as the months continued we grew even more apart, Till we got to the point where we don’t know who the other person is.
The end came February 13 of this year. After weeks of avoiding my calls and text message we finally had a blew up. He told me that conversations between us felt forced and that he need a break and if I wanted him I should text it an emergency before I called. In a sense he was asking for time and a break and all I heard was that he is leaving. So I told him im done. And in all honesty I was done. I was so tired of loving people and begging them to be in life I didn’t want to do it no more.
Two weeks before our blew up I told one of my friends that we had always treated our friendship like a relationship. We, at that moment was going through a legal separation deciding on wither or not we want a divorce. Well I guess we choose divorce.
I will admit I wasn’t always the best of a friend I could have been especially towards the end but im glad we went our separate ways. I have spent so long with him that I didn’t know who I am without him.
Its nice getting to know me. Its an amazing feeling standing on my own to feet and loving me. Yes I miss him but there is still nothing like falling in love with myself. to add too it I consider an emergence death ,hurricane, fire or flood. none of those have happened he hasn’t called and I don’t think I should.
I AM LOVING ME NOW.
I say that with a proud smile.
Loving me now 